♥Hi Friends!

(Don’t ask about my grandbaby.  I just keep reminding myself that patience is a virtue!)  Now I want to state right out of the gate that we are far from perfect in the parenting department, let alone experts on “EMOTIONALLY HEALTHY children”.  Along with the Good Lord’s help, much, if not most of what my husband and I do in this area has been learned from starting and restarting, falling, picking ourselves up and continuing down the track in this most important race we call “Parenting”.  (Our poor children!)  But somewhere along the line, from all our skinned knees and broken bones, we have implemented a few things that I think have helped our children become somewhat EMOTIONALLY HEALTHY and a little more self aware.  Being self aware is a great way to let go of emotional issues.  Although it can be, and quite often is painful, being self aware is a great way to let go of emotional issues.  This is because in an effort to let them go, it requires us to confront our character flaws and remind ourselves of the painful things that have happened in our lives.

On the one hand my children have been blessed with a father who uses few words (at least compared to his wife) and when spoken, carry a lot of weight from his wisdom and strong opinions.  Along with a dose of humor, his words are often playful and can be just a little snarky at times!  On the other hand, they have a mother who has diarrhea of the mouth (and sometimes offers TMI  or “Too Much Information”) stemming from an EMOTIONAL need to connect with everyone around her.  A need that she most definitely came to this Earth with.  On many occasions in past years I’ve said to my husband “It’s so embarrassing to be me!”  To which he wisely smiles and says, “Why do you think I don’t say very much?”  (Somehow I didn’t get the “Don’t Say Very Much” memo in Heaven.)  In fact growing up, before  my mind could catch up with my mouth, words would fly out of me quicker than lightening.  “Come back” I would say to myself.  (It didn’t work by the way.)  I would then stew and stress over what I said, who I said it to, and how they felt about it.  Gratefully, as I’ve gotten older (and am a much-improved-work-in-progress version of myself) I have learned to love me more and cut myself some slack.  After all I’m a daughter of God and that comes with great power!  Stupid and slightly uncomfortable things still continue to come out of my mouth (although on a much less frequent basis), where now I think of them for about a nanosecond. shrug my shoulders, and then quickly move on.  I hope others give me the benefit of the doubt like I try to give them.  It’s a much happier place to live!  Soooo grateful for that Atonement that helps us change and learn to forgive ourselves.  Whew!

From the joining of our two lives and hearts, and having two girls first (estrogen dominated for the first 9 years of our marriage which only added to it), our family dynamics produced a house full of strong, opinionated, passionate, and very different individuals.  We share our thoughts about each other and everything else on a regular basis.  Sometimes, actually often, we call each other out about the things that annoy us and that we are positive need to change about each other.  I’m the first to admit our delivery system lacks enough sensitivity, and we’re working on it.  All the time!  If our little family were acting in a movie, I’m sure it would be entitled “My Big Fat Mormon Wedding.”  (I know there’s more of you out there and you know who you are!)  For the most part we have been blissfully and happily unaware of these family traits and that our way of doing things might be difficult for others to understand.  Until about 5 years ago, that is, when my son-in-law joined our family.  “Do you have to talk about how you feel about everything?”  To which we replied “Uhhhhh, yeah.  Of course!”  And my soon to be son-in-law agrees with him!

Although this way of parenting might have a few drawbacks, there’s never a dull moment and we have a lot of fun together.  And truly I think it has some great benefits.  Here’s a couple of ideas about communicating on a regular basis that has been a blessing for our family.

♥AS PARENTS WE STAY INFORMED-Now lest you think I think I know everything my children do, I’ll tell you right now that that’s far from the truth.  I’m surprised at how much they tell me about the stupid things they do.  And hooray for that since I shudder to think of the things I don’t know about.  But we talk to them about everything we can and try to be a sounding board for them.  For sure we don’t always react with patience like we should, but then again many of their actions are hard to be patient about!  The following are a few suggestions of ways to open up dialogue with your kids, no matter the age: 

• We talk to them about SPIRITUAL things.  In our church we are encouraged to set aside Monday nights for family.  We call it “Family Home Evening”.  Now that my children are older FHE looks different than it use to when all my babies were little and lived at home.  Sometimes it’s just reading the scriptures together (longer than the daily family scripture study we try for on the other nights of the week), or a discussion on a gospel topic.  They love asking questions about things and learning about Heavenly Father, Jesus Christ, and all that goes along with that.  Also, when we remember, we ask them every Sunday what they discussed in their Sunday School class.  What a great opportunity to clarify and add to the things their teachers are teaching them.  I’m amazed at what happens at nightly family scripture study and prayer (we are not perfect at this but try for it every night).  It’s like someone opened Pandora’s box and all the experiences of the day and feelings in their heart come spilling out.  As well as  a lot of laughing and teasing. 
• We talk to them about what happened in their day and how they feel about it.  Sometimes they come to you and other times they just need to be asked and then they share their feelings.  Celebrate with them on their triumphs and mourn with them when their hearts are broken.  Although they find the questions annoying at times, when they are older especially, they are grateful for the closeness they feel to their family.
• We talk to them about the uncomfortable things.  Make it a regular topic.  Intimacy and sex can be hard to talk about with them and all kids are different.  I think my 1st learned a lot growing up (since she didn’t like to talk about that stuff) by listening to my 2nd ask me questions like “Do you and dad shower together?”, along with any number of those types of questions.  And I tell my kids that if they hear something at school, especially if it’s inappropriate or about sex, please come and ask me about it because it’s sure to be distorted and less than appropriate.

♥OUR CHILDREN ARE LEARNING TO BE SELF AWARE-This is something we have really had to work on ourselves and are constantly trying to hit home to them.  And it doesn’t matter what age they are.  So how do we do that?  We talk to them regularly about the following points:

• Take responsibility for your words, feelings and actions.  Be honest to yourself and others about them.
• Learn to say “I’m sorry.” That’s really tough to do most of the time.  Don’t apologize for something you didn’t do, but always be quick to say “I’m sorry” for offending someone.  
• Recognize you are human and that you are totally normal for not being perfect.  In fact, no one around you is, no matter what it looks like from the outside.  It’s okay to not be okay all the time.  We all have things they need to work on, including us parents. 
• Do not allow the Adversary to lead you to believe that you can’t change and repent.  Or that you aren’t worthy enough.
• Access the wonderful blessings of the Atonement and the Gospel of Jesus Christ.  Humble yourself, move forward, and change.  The reason we’re here on this planet is to become like our Heavenly Father through HEALING and becoming better.

Since we are their greatest example, the best place for our children to learn these skills is from us parents.  That means we better makes sure we practice what we preach!  We will never be perfect and we will always mess up.  Which brings me to my last thought.  Make sure at the end of the day our children know that we love them.  We can do a lot of stupid things in our parenting, and even after one of those “Psycho Mom Days” (as I so fondly refer to them), knowing that they are loved, secure, and safe in our home will go a long way in carrying them through life’s challenges.

We all have the opportunity to access the Atonement.  That’s one of our greatest gifts Father has blessed us with.  Pray for help and guidance in how to help your children become EMOTIONALLY HEALTHY, remember who they are and Whose they are, and that too have power from these gifts.  Heavenly Father loves us all and will bless us because He is just that, our Father!

♥Love you Friends!

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This is a HEALTHIER version of a soup from my childhood.  While I was growing up my mother was a beautician and worked out of a shop in our home (and still is with 55 plus years under her belt and counting.)  For about 5 years when I was in grade school she was a single mom.  Every day after a long hours of working on her feet, she’d climb the stairs and muster up the strength to feed me and my brother PHYSICALLY, as well as SPIRITUALLY and EMOTIONALLY.  By frying a pound of hamburger with some chopped onion, and opening up several cans of veggies, we had a quick, easy and delicious warm meal.  We didn’t know or understand her struggles at the time, but now that I’m a mom, I appreciate all she did alone to make our home a safe place to be.  Although I’ve changed it up a bit to increase its nutritional value, it still represents comfort and love given freely to me by my strong and wonderful mother.

GRAN’S SOUP

• 2  6 oz cans tomato paste
• 4 cups vegetable broth
• 1 can organic kidney beans, drained
• 1 can organic black beans, drained
• 1 can organic white beans, drained
• 1 can garbanzo beans, drained
• 1  26 oz can or 2 15 oz cans diced tomatoes, with juice
• 1 onion, chopped
• 3 cloves garlic, minced
• 3-4 carrots, sliced
• 2 cups fresh or frozen green beans (I buy the frozen organic beans from Costco.)
• 8 medium mushrooms, sliced
• 2 cups chopped purple cabbage
• 2 small zucchini, sliced
• 2 Tbsp Organic Better Than Bouillon Vegetable Base 
• 1 Tbsp organic no-salt seasoning (I like Costco.)
• 2 Tbsp raw apple cider vinegar or fresh lemon or lime juice
• 2 cups frozen corn
• S&P
• water

Place all ingredients up to but not including corn, in soup pot. Bring to a boil, cover and reduce heat. Simmer on low for a few hours until vegetables are soft and flavors are mixed. Add corn and more water or broth and S&P if needed.  Heat through.  It stays good for several days in the fridge and freezes nicely. You can also put this in the crockpot in the morning and cook on low all day, adding frozen corn the last hour.